Saturday, March 22, 2014

Third Trimester is Here!

That's right, we are entering the phase of ready for the baby to be in our arms rather than in my belly, of not ever being comfortable and things on the ground just staying there, unless Zac wants to pick them up. I hear that the third trimester is rough. But it hasn't been to bad yet - I can still get my shoes on buckles and everything, and that is a win for a pregnant girl.

The last few months have been thrilling and exhausting all at once. I can't even begin to say how grateful I am that Zac is so wonderful at picking up what needs to be done when I am getting tired early and working long hours. And, that he is beginning to become quite the photographer. Bump pictures are courtesy of no one other than Zac himself.

HIghlights from the past few months:

In the beginning of the second trimester, Zac and I went to see one of our good friends perform in a percussion concert. It was loud and I know that our little girl could hear it. She would squirm around as if she was dancing in my belly. At the end, she started kicking perfectly in beat with the drums. It may have been for only a measure or two, but it was crazy. I'm not much of a musician, but Zac and rhythm and drums go together like oreos and ice cream. For some reason, I can't help thinking that this girl is either going to be just like her Dad or completely crazy about him. I'm already jealous of how sweet their little two some will be.

Speaking of oreos and ice cream, cravings! and not just me. Zac too. It is so funny when my super health conscious husband speaks the words "I'm craving ice cream right now" before I do. I thought sympathy cravings were made up, but Zac has got them bad. There's nothing like watching him compare which junk food has the most or least artery clogging saturated fat in it, then throwing the info away and going for the one with the most. MMMM Digornos for dinner again? Yes please!

And for the sweetest memory ever, cuddles. I'm a touch person. I feel so loved and special when we cuddle up together. I know tmi, but it's so sweet. I love when Zac puts his arm around my belly and the baby starts to kick his hand (mini high five). It's especially sweet when Zac whispers in my ear "It's just like all three of us are cuddling". Heart melted. forever.

Tuesday, February 11, 2014

A little plus sign.

It's about time I share the news! There is a precious little bundle of joy (and probably poop) coming to us this June.

With work being so busy right now and my days being much longer, I really don't get much time to sit here and share. But I have wanted to so badly. Especially with all the exciting events happening. If you haven't heard yet, I am having a baby. I'm already half way through so be prepared for about 4 months worth of updates in the next week or so. I mean, it's about time I stop keeping secrets and record all these precious memories.

A few months ago I was in New Mexico with one of my best friends. We were sitting there talking about life when, my friend said "you could be pregnant right now and not even know it" to which I laughed and said "yeah okay" because I had done my best to stop counting on it.

At the time, I was tired of trying and having things not work out. I was starting to feel as if God just didn't have motherhood in the plan for me right now, even though I wanted it so badly. A year was a long time to wait, and I was having this feeling that maybe I needed to focus on something else for a little bit.

So I did. I applied for a promotion and got it. I left the position that I thought would work perfectly with the demands of doctors appointments and rest required when growing a miniature person. I started thinking about other things and focusing on what I did have instead of what I didn't have. It felt a little empty, focusing my heart on something other than what I really wanted, but I also didn't want to live in that place of emptiness and sorrow that I just couldn't seem to shake while I was focused on motherhood when I couldn't have it.

A couple weeks later, Zac had a trip for school. He was attending a conference and presenting research in beautiful San Diego. It was going to be a long weekend by myself since I already had cramps and knew my period was coming.

But part of me couldn't help but hope that maybe cramps could mean more than one thing.

So I stopped at Walmart and bought a pregnancy test anyways. I think I stared at it for half and hour when I saw the little plus sign. And then I cried a little bit. I was so happy. And then I called Zac, who didn't pick up the phone. And then I called my sister. And then I called Zac again and got to share the news. Ten I made myself stop talking about it because there was so much we didn't know and after our last experience with the molar pregnancy, I knew that I would need to be checked up on before I could count on this one being a sure thing. But that single little line had a cross. It meant that there were so many possibilities. I had hope.

Who would have guessed that my friend was right. Weeks before I even knew to hope, she called it.

Saturday, December 21, 2013


Every holiday, there is something that sticks out to me. This year, it is kindness. And it hasn't come to my attention in that good way of people being so kind that it shocks me. Rather it's absence has loaded me up and made my heart fill heavy.

It's easy to be kind to family. I have the most kind family in the world. They are amazing.

But what has struck me recently is the attitude that I've seen towards strangers.

I have a very dear friends who is a remarkably beautiful plus size girl. Her body is beautiful. Her spirit is beautiful. She is incredible in every way. And also, pregnant, but some people don't notice.

The other day, she was at a restaurant, and she tripped and spilled her food. Instead of getting up to help, people snickered and made mean comments about her not needing the calories.

How is this okay? Where was the person who saw who I see when I see her? Who saw a beautiful daughter of God? Some one divine?

There was no one.

Not one person stood up to say let me help you.

How cruel and selfish this world has become.

I work in a call center. I'm a financial adviser and I help people with their retirement plans and their questions on their accounts. This is one of the craziest times of year for us because people have to make decisions and get certain things in order before January 1 for tax reasons. And you know we are all procrastinators so, these last few weeks are prime for getting these last things taken care of.

I understand it's a busy and stressful time, but I've also noticed something else. A lot of people are down right rude, mean. They yell instead of discuss, they belittle instead of ask questions. I can't believe how many people have screamed at me before they even tell me what I can help them with. This doesn't happen other times of the year.

Isn't is supposed to be the season filled with the Christmas spirit? The time where we try a little harder? Reach out a little more?

Instead we take our aggression out on strangers. Maybe we are a little nicer to those we know and love. But is it ever okay to be a little meaner to the peripherals in our lives? The people we cross paths with for just a moment? Whose pain or disappointment we will never know or understand?

Maybe I have just noticed more of this mean spirit around recently. But is sure feels like this is a trend that is picking up speed. It's one that makes my heart hurt, for myself, but also for the people I love who I see on the receiving end of this meanness so frequently, and even for the people I don't know, but see traces of the hurt on their faces. Even for the people who hide that pain so well I would never guess that it's even there.

So this year, Christmas is different. It doesn't feel as full and wonderful and magical as it usually does. But it has taught me a great lesson.

The Christmas spirit is not just being a little nicer to those I love and maybe trying to do a little extra for someone else.

But it is so much more.

It is kindness.

To all of God's people. Near and far.

It is patience and acceptance and love.

The unconditional kind that can be spread with a kind smile, a hug, a friendly hello.

The type of kindness that realizes there isn't a single person in this world, and certainly not one that will cross my path, who is not a son or daughter of God and deserves to be treated so.

In honor and memory of the one who loves perfectly and sees us all for who we truly are. I hope we will all forget a little about the stress of the season and take time to dwell in that love that he gives us, that surrounds us, fills us, heals us and spread that to as many people as we can. Near and far.

Merry Christmas my friends.

Merry Christmas.

Monday, November 11, 2013

Gratitude is Invading November.

mmmmm.mmmmm.mmmmm. It's the month of November, the month of recognizing how lucky we are and appreciating all that surrounds us. I feel like I have so much to be grateful for. I don't know where to begin and I'm afraid if I start writing I might never end. 

I guess a good place to start is with the kindness that allowed me to write this on the way home from work. Mainly the train operator who saw me sprinting to the train, knowing I was going to be just a little bit too late but hoping someone would take notice and do something kind. And they did. I think you can tell a lot about people by the way they treat a stranger. I think this stranger is really op notch. Thank you mystery person who did something kind for me and put your hand out of your window and waived at me as I hopped on the train. 

I'm am getting a little annoyed by all the daily gratitude facebook posts. I mean 'Day 1: I love my family' yeah, everyone loves their family. Is posting it on facebook making it any more real or those relationships any deeper? Maybe I shouldn't judge. But there are just sooo many of them. 

But then I run across a post that is so genuine and though provoking that I am just glad that everyone is doing this gratitude things so that I can have these little gems in my day.

"Day 10: I am grateful for my body.. Some of you may think that sounds stuck up.. But let me explain. I know now days its hard for women to love themselves and the body and face they were given. Its easy to go into self loathing and comparison mode. I do it. All of us women do it. But I am getting better and better at being grateful for what I do have, and loving myself. I know I'm pretty. I know I have worth. I may not be Megan Fox or anything.. But you don't have to look like her to be beautiful. All women are gorgeous and have an amazing worth. So yes. I am grateful for my body and what I was given. I will always try to take care of it and respect it." -Madison

I would like to add a heartfelt and very meaningful 'ditto' to this. It doesn't have the same ring, but I really mean it. I promise. 

I am grateful for my husband who is both perfect and imperfect. For how he doesn't get mad when I abandon him at a car wash for 30 minutes because I accidentally brought both sets of keys home for me. I am amazed by his diligence with school and his hopes for the future. I adore his little smiles that just barely turn up the corner or his lips. And I mostly love the ways he thinks so differently and opposite from me that he challenges my world and makes me see that there is more than one way to see pretty much everything. 

I am grateful for these events that haven't had the chance to debut on this blog in the past few months but deserve posts and posts of their own. 

A weekend with a friend who is worth getting up before the sun with. One of my longest and most dearest friendships. 

A concert with the friend who introduced me to the man I am most grateful for and the many friends who have supported that man for years and years and years. 

A zombie Halloween. Cause doing something a little bit different, a little bit scary, was the perfect way to create a memory I will never forget.

I could keep going and going and going. And I want to, but I suppose I have all month to fill this space with memories and moments that fill my heart and make my soul sing. 

Until next time my friends, until next time. 


Friday, October 25, 2013

Backwards Book Club Begins!

Today is bookclub and I am so excited to share some awesome ladies and their reads with you! I am definitely going to be checking some of these out. But first a story that is too funny not to tell.

A couple times a month I help with a program for the girls in my church. They are all between 8-11 and so crazy awesome. And by that I mean they are literally crazy and literally awesome. Well, we were doing a freeze dance competition. And let me tell you, these kids knew every word to almost every song of the Nightmare Before Christmas. Remember, they are awesome. 

Well, one girl got hit by another girl accidentally and was bummed out. So I let her help me with the music on my phone (Yay for Galaxy phones that are loud enough to use for these kind of events.) 

While she was looking through my phone, she saw a picture of me and Zac. She looked at it for a minute, then looked at me and said 'is this your husband?' 

To which I said 'that's why I have a picture of me and that man on my phone.' 

She blushed just a little bit and then said 'he looks.... .... .... ..... good.' 

To which I cracked up. Who knew that me and 8 year olds would crush on the same boys?!?! He's mine sister! And sadly this is not the first time that this has happened. We all want to marry Harry Potter too. Who knew 8 year olds were so cool?

And now without further stories that you would really have had to be there to get, let book club begin!

Aunnie Sauce and For Women Only by Shaunti Feldhahn

I love how Shaunti notes that respecting our husbands isn't just about how we treat them, it's also how we take care of ourselves! We don't have to be stick-thin, but showing that we care about ourselves demonstrates how much we care about our husbands.

This book gives you insight into the thoughts and actions of men. The author surveyed men of all ages and from all facets of life to get to the bottom of the answers in this book. I actually thought that it was going to give a little bit more of the nitty-gritty details, but I still learned a lot about what makes men—and specifically my husband—tick. Why they are tempted to look at the beauty walking down the street, why they love to come home and relax on the couch after work, why doing a project all by themselves (and without our "advice") is so important... it's all in there. This is a great book for any woman who wants to better understand the thoughts and actions of men, and for a wife who wants to help her marriage by giving her husband the respect he truly needs, and most importantly, deserves.

Dee and Me Before You by Jojo Moyes

"I told him a story of two people. Two people who shouldn't have met, and who didn't like each other much when they did, but who found they were the only two people in the world who could possibly have understood each other.”

I started the book knowing that it would be a sad story, but what I didn't expect was that it would mostly make me laugh, and smile. Smile a lot. It was written in such a witty, refreshing voice, and as the story unfolded through the eyes of Lou Clark, it was like being her, so I got to know Will Traynor the same way she did, and went through the same journey that she did, including falling for him, even though he is a quadriplegic who hated his life and was mean to her (and is just a character in a book whom I had never even met in real life, for Pete's sake). I love stories like these. It reminded me of A Walk to Remember, when you find yourself unexpectedly falling for a character who seems impossible to fall in love with at first. Just like in A Walk to Remember, this book has its weepy points, too, but it will leave you with a generally nice feeling overall, and you'll be happy you picked it up.

Brenda and Wideacre by Philippa Gregory

I've read many of Philippa Gregory's books and loved them. But this book was so rife with unsavory characters that I had to stop reading after 200 pages! Murder, incest, greed, and that's just the beginning. There's not a single character with any redeeming qualities whatsoever.

Thank you girls for participating! you are ahhh-mazing.

Monday, October 21, 2013

Tina Fey's man arms and how she disappointed me.

I was just sitting down to type and for a second, I couldn't quite remember if I remembered how to write a blog post. Blog world and blog friends, I missed you! Oh so much.

Sadly, I just got a promotion. I mean YAY I GOT A PROMOTION. But that means my schedule is a little bit crazy and well, I don't want this blog to be the thing that gets prioritized away, but I might be forced to spend less time here. Or quit my job. Or get divorced. And well, neither of those are viable options either. So If I am absent for weeks at a time, just know I wish I was here, but I am probably at work, or maybe with my husband. But I will miss this place, cause writing is my favorite, which sits comfortably behind this loving blog community in the order of things I love. You are my super fav.

And now for a book review, because I couldn't wait until Friday for Backwards Book Club to share. (PS I am so excited about your entries, I can't wait to share.)

So here goes it. Bossypants. By one of my idols, Tina Fey.

Is this her head on a mans body? I'm confused about the hairiness of these arms. 

Surprisingly, though I would turn about 20 shades of pink if I met Tina, first from excitement that I was meeting one of the all time coolest people, then as I stopped breathing because I was laughing to hard to suck air into my lungs, because she is well, hilarious, followed by blushing when she actually learned my name and I think 'oh my GOSH she knows my name this is the best day of my life, well just behind the day I met Amy Poehler.' you get the picture, suprisingly, I found this book painful to read. I had really high expectations. I desperately wanted to like it. Which is why I kept reading even though it was not pulling me in in the least. Although it was helping me procrastinate, which is something.

How did this tragedy happen? I am not sure. Cause it's Tina freaking Fey. But it did.

The book reads like a series of blog posts about her life. And while the ideas behind the posts are intriguing, the humor is dry. I have a pretty high standard of 5 paragraph essay humor, thank you daily tay for setting that bar. Overall, I found the book... unrelateable and impersonal?

No wait,completely relateable, but still impersonal.

I liked what she was saying, but did not connect with her style at all. The best thing I can compare it to is that awkward moment when you are walking down a hall and someone waves at you but as you wave back you realize there is another person behind you who is the actual recipient of the wave.

Tina was telling funny stories, but they felt as if she were telling them to someone standing over my shoulder reading behind me and not me. I kept thinking, that was almost funny. If I sat there and played out the story in my mind it made the corners of my lips smile just a bit . But her jokes were just not connected enough with the story to make me bust out laughing. Which, I was ovbviously expecting to do more than once. I mean, it's written by Tine Fey people!

On the bright side, this book did teach me that not all brilliant people are brilliant all the time. Or maybe, we only think other people are brilliant when in fact they are average. Which makes me realize that I have a chance. Maybe someday I too, will have a best selling mediocre book. A girl can dream. Right?

Thursday, October 10, 2013

Happiness Found.

Found when I least expect it.

In the freedom to cry and cry and cry.
In realizing I am not in control
And seeing the beauty of his plan and not mine
Not present in bubble baths, chocolate or shopping.

But in the life giving circle of giving and receiving.
A girl who goes out of her comfort zone to bouy me up.
Another one vulnerable and honest enough to allow me to do some of the lifting for just a second of her eternity

In the comfort of Christ holding my heart and mind in peace that I do not yet understand.
Because some things we cannot see now
And that is alright

The beauty of fall, of change and the growing pains that accompany evolution.

The softness of a hand that belongs clasped in mine.

A call

An unexpected text

The temple

Silly Faces

A sister who knows much more about love than I will likely comprehend any time soon.

Friendships that are born in an instant or built a brick at a time.


This has become the fabric of the happiness that fills my soul.